Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Guilt.
It's easy to push guilt away if you choose to I realised. It's not that hard to go against things you used to believe in when you forget the real reason why you do them in the first place. It is simple, to take away the importance of something, degrading it, and therefore feeling nothing for it. And when you do it once, you can do it twice, and you can do it again.
I'm alarmed at the simplicity of it all, really. I'd never really tried to place guilt at one side until now. Surely there is something wrong somewhere. How on earth have I suddenly become so bold? Surely cowardice is a virtue in this case.
It amazing how guilt can just hit ya in one second. One moment, one voice, one image. It is as if I am falling down some deep black hole, and the gush of wind is so strong I can't really see what I'm doing or where I'm going...but someone is trying to save me.
No long words. No visible actions.
Now the wind has stopped. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. I cannot see where I'm going.
I'm lucky. To lose yourself is a good thing. Because in the darkness, in the nothingness, you can remould yourself. Be something new and something better.
Because surely there is more to life than this.
9:58 PM
