Thursday, August 17, 2006
All choices have consequences.I liked the attention I was able to get from using that voice of mine. Yeah, the baby voice. I'll admit it has become a habit, after all I've been using it for years. However, there I times I use it according to what sort of a person I'm interacting with.
So is it really fair if people do not treat me with respect because of that? Can I really blame them for all the negative repercussions?
Shall I say it honestly? I get angry when Zheng Yang says, "Kezia can you handle her?"
What, am I a
PET? Am I an
OBJECT? Why then, do you use such words to degrade me, and make it seem like I belong to someone who isn't my mum or my dad? And what makes you think you have the right to decide what is done to me?
And I also get angry when Kezia says, "I feel like I'm babysitting a child."So are you really that much more mature than I am? I mean, I honestly don't know. But how much do you know of
me to make such an assumption? I'm the eldest of three. And yeah it may seem to the world that they are more mature than I am, but my family knows it isn't true, and quite frankly, I think I should know a good deal more about babysitting. After all I've done it over periods of time throughout the past few years.
Of course I get angry when teachers say things like, "I don't believe you're the eldest child" or "You don't look like the oldest child because eldest children are responsible".First of all --
Sweeping.
Generalization. I'm sorry to break your heart, but not all first-born children are responsible. In fact, there are a great number of first-borns who turn out real bad. Sad, but true. Even so, let me tell you this. I may be rebellious at times but I am
NOT irresponsible. People who have worked with me in group work or whatever know that I am not one to be irresponsible, and most of the time I'm never even late. As far as my siblings go I would rather
die than see any harm fall upon them. I feel accountable for them all the time. When something goes wrong, it's my fault. You know why? Because they are my family, and it
HURTS, that people would make shallow observations and go, "Hey, you're not responsible enough to be the eldest" or "Huh? You're the eldest?" or "Why do you treat your sisters so badly?"
And to all the other people. ALL the other people who have said something or did something along the same lines.
I always get frustrated. It's
such a paradox because on one hand I know that in order for people to treat me with respect I have to stop and want to stop, yet on the other hand I do not want to, because I do enjoy it when people respond positively to it most of the time. And yea, I shall be evil enough to admit that I can get away with quite a lot when I use that voice.
That being said, I'm certainly not the most mature person on earth, not even for my age. And I'm not the best sister. I doubt I'll ever be. Even if I were, the definition of 'best' differs from person to person.
So I guess that
I shouldn't blame these people. All I can say is, I
hope that I can open up more to people and I hope that people would be interested to know the full me. I'm multi-faceted, I'll admit. Many people are. And at the same time, I aim to be less superficial myself. I'm sure, there is always more one could learn about their fellow student/friend, and it ain't any different for me.
Darn! It sure feels good to let things off your chest yea? XD
8:28 PM
