Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Honestly, I'm tired. I guess sometimes I just have to sit back and admit this. I am tired.
I'm tired of not knowing what I want my future to be.
I'm tired of being so detached from reality.
Tired of not being to stick with anything.
Tired of this addiction that has been plaguing me for 5 years.
Tired of being fat all my life, even when I wasn't.
Tired of being short.
Tired of having a common name.
Tired of not wanting to exercise.
Tired of eating compulsively, even more so when people remark that I should lose weight.
Tired of never reading the bible when I ought.
Tired of praising myself.
Tired of putting myself down.
Tired of acting without thinking.
Tired of regretting my actions even as I execute them.
I'm tired of my teachers.
The ones who don't care.
The ones who are so absorbed with themselves.
Tired of those who never once thought about how their actions would affect an 18-year-old.
Tired of them not thinking of how their actions could cause someone else to be unable to sleep at night.
To cause that same person to feel so burdened.
You cry is it? You cry? And I haven't?!
Tired of their unwillingness to take responsibility.
Tired of their cowardice.
Tired of the embarrassment they cause to everyone.
Tired of my principals.
The ones who are far too nice that they get so incapable.
The ones who are hypocrites.
The ones who refuse to take responsibility for themselves and their staff.
Especially for themselves.
The ones who constantly make excuses.
And consequently...blank.
I'm tired of friends who trivialize my problems.
I'm tired of friends who stick up for people who hurt me the most.
Friends so intent on being clever that they would be insensitive to their own friends.
Friends who talk too much.
Friends who talk too little.
Friends whom you don't even know are your friends or not.
Friends you think are friends but everything is so complicated that you don't know what to think anymore.
Friends who, like teachers, are so absorbed with themselves.
Friends who cut people off when they are talking.
Friends who refuse to listen.
Friends who listen just so they can gossip.
I'm tired of having to see offended faces.
I'm tired of not having enough time to talk to friends who have mattered for so long.
Tired of friends who just turn their back on you.
Friends who just drift away.
I'm tired of not being able to tell who are the ones who are true and who aren't.
Tired of those who talk about things that don't even matter.
Tired of them throwing themselves into the lives of others.
When it's only a commercial gimmick.
Tired that so many people do not have a real heart at all.
Tired that, when it comes down to it, so many are so shallow.
I'm tired of the noise in my house.
I'm tired of the noise in school.
I'm tired of the confusion in my heart.
I'm tired of the noise in my ears.
I'm tired cause I impose such noise on my ears.
I'm tired of doing lit essays on atheist lit poems.
I'm tired of reading texts that trivialize Christianity.
I'm tired of not reading up on other religions.
I'm tired that other people don't read up on different religions.
I'm tired of presumptions and misconceptions.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of wanting sleep all the time.
I'm tired of knowing that right now, the past is almost a blank, and tomorrow will be another blank.
Tired that I have been unable to let go and forgive.
Tired that you, yes you, wouldn't have bothered to read the whole of this.
JUST TIRED.
10:57 PM
