Thursday, April 06, 2006
I am quite amazed at what happens when I pray for sensitivity to the spirit.
How long have I ceased to really, really pray from the heart I don't actually remember. Most of the time it's just about opening my mouth and sprouting out a few words. But what Ps. Betty said was true. Prayer always starts with conviction. I was just subtly gripped by the urge to pray. Such a thing only God can do.
I didn't know what to pray for really, in light of such circumstances. In the end I just asked God to open up my heart, my eyes and my ears, that I would be sensitive to the needs of my family. I'm struggling to speak in tongues. It is indeed true, what they say. Speaking in tongues requires much practice.
Such a long way to go. I'm still quite hot headed, and my tongue...it is my worst enemy.
I was thinking that it is timely that the computer crashed. It's rather inconvenient, but I'm more aware of what's going on around me now.
My grandma is dying, most probably. I'm ok with that. I know it sounds weird but I am. Even if she was to be operated on, she'd be immobile for the rest of her life. I don't think she'd like that. I also know where she's going anyway. Hearing that she started praying for my uncle filled me with a sense of hope and happiness. It's alright. I hope she leaves in peace. I'll see her again soon.
It's the ones who are left living that really struggle after all. I want my mum to be ok, my aunts and uncles to be ok.
My dad has told me many times, that when the time comes that he should go, I should rejoice. I intend to. It's like what this one pastor said. I will always remember. He said that:
An Italian wedding is essentially the same as an Italian funeral. The only difference is that in a funeral, there is a coffin in the middle.But I think I might cry, if my grandma dies. I would cry for lost time. I am not very close to her. But still...it is at such junctures in life when you think about such things. I can't feel sad though, just, a tinge of regret.
Tomorrow I shall try to make up for it.
And in heaven...
11:34 PM
